3:50pm

Hey girlies :)

Decided I'm over M. I don't know why... I just remember a guy from this summer that told my cousin that he liked me and he is kinda cute and he knows the guys at my school though he doesn't go there and he goes to the fish fries sooo... yup. Holy run-on sentence, batman! I could see me dating him and lip-kissing unlike when I liked M so... we'll call him B, okay? For now at least. Probably won't hear about him since he doesn't go to my school.

Food's been good. Ran out of V8... boo. I got my period, too. :( I haven't had a legit period since about August so... 7 months. Wow.

Not much else.

Oh, 6 followers now :). Thank you for following!

Love,
Abbey



ps. Made plans with E to go to the mall this weekend! I'm excited... I can kind of imagine us taking pictures of each other, me with some goofy hat and nerd glasses in Hot Topic. lol I kinda like that place. We invited J and D, but D can't go and J doesn't know yet. I still have to ask A and M (girl) if they want to go too.
pps. I am in love with the band "Tonight Alive". My favorite song is "To Die For"

10:19pm

Hey there.

Um... not much has gone on. Feeling alone a lot this week... maybe it's 'cause of all this school musical stuff. I don't know. One of my friends was a lead and she was so effing amazing. She's super pretty and thin... makes me jealous. Anyway, I have to do the same thing again tomorrow. There's a dance going on and a Fish Fry thing... just found out about the dance so I'm not going and no one's going to Fish Fry 'cause of the play. 

Been reading Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. It explains how your hormones work with your metabolism. I took notes for Mom since she wants to do this with me and I told her I'd read the book so she wouldn't have to. I probably sound mean, but I don't think she can do it... its legit organic food you have to eat. The book also explains how your body doesn't know how to process the calories in processed food, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, etc, and turns them into fat. I'm might post the notes in a little tab thing at the top when I finish it... hoping that happens tomorrow. If you want to get full details, I recommend reading the book.

My dad said he was gonna get our treadmill out of the basement and into someplace so I won't have to run by myself and get kidnapped.  hehe

I'll read blogs tomorrow. 

Hope you all have a good weekend :)

xoxo, 

Abbey

ps. I saw the girl that ruined my reputation tonight. Bitch. Didn't talk to her. I don't like her and I don't understand why everyone else does. She does drugs and drinks at parties, thought she was pregnant (you can't get preggers from butt sex, bitch), and God knows what else.  I wanna tell her off. 

pps. Still in love with M. He sends me mixed signals. I hate it. 

I wish someone told me the truth so I could finally stop wondering and get on with my life.

How Long Will This Take?

I hate clothes.
I tried my new clothes on. The shirts were fine on the tummy, acceptable to wear in public with a little stretching. They made my boobs look huge, as do everything else that is not a fucking hoodie. The pull-over thingie looked wrong on me because of my big boobs. And the short were too tight on my thighs... I hate this.
Someone, take them. I hate them. I'm short and they look all wrong.

I love clothes.
I love online shopping. I'm afraid someone will judge me if I go into a store. I won't go with my friends because I don't want to have to ask "Does this make me look fat?". I have to go with my mom or grandma and it doesn't work because my mom will end up fighting and it gets awkward something with grandma. Also, I can look for hours, past closing time, and not have to try a thing on.

Your view on clothes?

I just want to look/feel good in them. I can't wait for that day when I can wear skinny jeans and have a pretty gap between my thighs. When I can wear horizontal stripes and not look like I'm 11 feet wide. When I can wear a shirt that is too big and still look thin. When I can wear shorts and not be ashamed. When I can wear a bikini... oh, the list goes on.

How long will I have to wait? How long will this take?

I want to be the poster-child for petite girls. Thin. Small thighs. Small boobs. Everything small, I guess.

xoxo,
Abbey

9:57pm

Oh God. I'm sorry for the depressing (2) posts. No more... for awhile. Kapeesh?

E said "We should go to the mall sometime!" and it kinda caught me off guard. Oh well....
Went shopping with Mom today... bought 4 pairs of shorts, I think 3 shirts, a pull-over type thing. I was going to buy some shoes, too, but everyone has them and I don't like being like everyone... so I didn't. I would have bought a few hoodies because that's the only thing I'm comfortable wearing.
I hate my arms,
my legs,
my face (the shape),
and especially my stomach.
Mom said I was skinny but I don't see it. I'm short so my weight is too high and all I see is fat on my thighs and stomach... I don't see how that can be.
Silly Mommy.

Nothing else, really.
Have a good week.
My goals for this week: cardio everyday, finish my book by Tuesday, finish the other book by Friday, ... yup.

xoxo,
Abbey

ps. I am in love with LIGHTS. Give her a listen. She's thinspo, as well :)
pps. Do you like the new backround thingy? I think its more "happy" compared to the other one :)

I Don't Know What Keeps Me Going

I'm too fat. Maybe that's it.
Or I'm too ugly. That can't be it because every adult my mom knows has said I'm beautiful.
Maybe I need to work harder on my looks. But there's not much I can do.

I think my friends and some other people are having a party this weekend.
Other friends that aren't invited or some other day are probably going to the mall this weekend... like they do every weekend.
You can probably guess what I'm doing this weekend. Nothing.

I want to cut again. But I'll feel guilty because my dad saw scratches on my arms and told me that my aunt used to cut and I lied and said I didn't.

I seriously do not know how I'm still here, how I am still going to that hell of a school. I'm contemplating homeschooling but then I'll be more lonely. And another, little part of me is hoping that this will pass.
Maybe M is the reason. I don't know. I'm at that point where I don't want to die without knowing if there was/is anything there.
I'm so fucking scared to talk to him because all his friends are asses and I am terrified of getting judged and hurt.

I'm really sorry if I brought you down with this depressing post.

xoxo,
Abbey

Lonely

Describes my day perfectly

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have no idea what the hell I did, but all my friends ran away from me, giggling and laughing, and it happened right after A whispered something in their ears. I wanted to flip them off but... I'm not like that... all the time. The funny thing is, something pretty close just happened to J and she just laughed and went along. WTF?? She's super nice and I don't put her down (unlike A- I didn't do anything to her either- and D). Also, just yesterday, someone said I was extremely nice. She wasn't there then... she probably would have went along, too. And then A was all laugh-y and talk-y with me later. WTF, bitch?

Yesterday, M and I got in a little "war". It was cute :). A girl volleyed something to me and I attempted to volley it back but it went over M's head and we kept throwing a bunch of other stuff at each other. He kept laughing and smiling and cursing when he missed me.
Today, he kept kinda looking at me and he looked at the homework I was trying to get done at the end of the day. He's in a higher class and I soo wish he would've asked what I was doing... may have led to me getting his number ;D

Alright, food... good. Could've done better....

Mom got mad cuz she gained 10 lbs/all the weight she lost. Hey me too! bleh >:(... at least my size 4 jeans still fit

Love ya,
Abbey

Thinspo:

ps. If any of you girls, want bigger boobs, take mine. Please.

Goodies :)

Evening, girlies.

Today was good... I guess. I made peas and rice for myself at lunchtime and I barely at half. Just a few bites and I was satisfied.
I decided to bake some treats for the family. Yellow and chocolate cupcakes and brownies with some pecans (we didn't have walnuts). That probably sounds a bit... dangerous, I guess. But...
I made them with pumpkin so they're safe. No oil, no eggs, just pumpkin. And they don't taste like pumpkin and they're still yummy so I guess that's a win, too. Maybe I'll post the recipe later. I'm too worn out right now.

Yesterday was my last day of Level 1 on the 30 Day Shred. I just finished Level 2 and Jillian kicked my ass. My arms hurt even typing this.

Hope you all had a lovely week. I drew a picture for you so I'll have to post that when I finish it :)

Um... yup.
Love ya,
stay strong,
Abbey

Lots of Thinspo:

 

We all kinda want to look like them, right? Or is that just me?

ps. Is the time change messing you up like it is with me?