10:29pm

The water cooler is empty... it's kinda making me angry. We have one of those Brita filter thingos but I'm too lazy to fill it and too impatient to wait for it to filter.

Dad, Little Brother, and I went shopping for food and stuff yesterday. The place we went is kinda like Costco but we don't have a Costco here and I've seen it on tv so... yeah. Anyway, we bought soo much stuff. Two carts full.
And Two things about this place: they have good stuff (supplements, protein powder/bars, detox whatevers, frozen fruit, regular fruit, veggies, lemon juice, etc) and everything else is processed crap. We bought a little of both. Who thinks I'm going to eat processed crap? Put your hand down!! haha just kidding... that wasn't really funny, was it? Oh well....

Today was a good day. Stayed close to my caloric goal. I could've worked out and I wanted to but... I didn't. Took a shower though... as if that counts for anything, really. 


Mom and I got in an argument over eating healthy and the way my parents feed my brother. Mom got super pissed... like you wouldn't believe really. She thought I was criticising her and my dad for how they treat Brother and how he's gonna end up depressed because I call him fat... which I don't... at least not to his face. I wanted to say "If you watched this season of the Biggest Loser, you'd know that the groups that are parent and son/daughter, the parents blame themselves for the size of their kid".

Alright, that's it.
xoxo,
Abbey




























ps. I'm definitely doing my workout twice tomorrow... I need my metabolism too speed up NOW.

12:07am

Ate normally... kinda. I counted the majority of my calories but, by about 8 o'clock, I was like "screw it". I didn't pig out... I'll just count this as my one cheat day for the week.
So, what I didn't count was
1 square of 60% Ghiradeli chocolate
nut clusters (170 x3)
wonton soup (100-something...)
some crunchy noodles
mixed berries
a Crystal Light packet


I had a volleyball game and I walked around for 2 hours and I'll work out later tonight... I will.

-Abbey

You Know...

Napped. Again.
I'm starting my workout at 9-ish since I finished eating about 30 minutes ago.
Mom, you say "oh I'm such a fatty" and then you buy ice cream and pizza and crappy shit. And later you say "Oh, your brother's getting so big! We should really stop buying that processed crap." AND THEN YOU FUCKING BUY PIZZA AND SODA, EXPECTING YOUR FAT ASS SON TO LOSE WEIGHT?! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, BITCH!! STOP FEEDING HIM SHIT, HAVE HIM RIDE HIS BIKE INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THE COMPUTER FOR HOURS. STOP BUYING HIM MEALS FOR 3 PEOPLE!!!!!
... and breath
Sorry. Shit happens and shit makes me angry.
Guess what? Mom bought pizza. Again. 'Cause my cousin is here and she can't cook.
I ate pizza... two small slices. And then cereal.
I've decided I'm doing my work out twice and drinking water and green tea like its my job.

Have a good night,
Abbey

ps. Weigh-in and liquid/raw veggie/raw fruit fast tomorrow
pps. Starting Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred on the first
ppps. I'm leaving in 54 days... great... I must lose 10-15 lbs. by then
pppps. New rule: No fast food.

8:11pm

I'm still fat. For some reason, I always hope to wake up and be 35+ lbs. lighter. Or have the metabolism of a cheetah... if cheetahs have superduper fast metabolisms.
Ugh.
Volleyball tonight.
Nothing else, really.
xoxo,
Abbey

Road Block

My mom decided to buy ice cream and soft pretzels from a bakery. Ugh... ate half a pretzel and what looked like half a pint of ice cream... she bought one of my favorites.
Damn.
Going to go work it off now.
Veggies and V8 for dinner.

xoxo,
Abbey

Fat Day

We all get them, right? I just look... very wide (both head-on and sideways). I don't like it.
I did my workout again today. I kept getting muscle weirdness in my left foot and I  had to stop every fifteen minutes or so.
I didn't eat a lot today but I didn't count the calories.
I ate:
a pear
2 pancakes (1 plain, 1 with some semi-sweet chocolate) with a bit of sugar-free syrup
zucchini
half a bottle (the full size) of V8
a LeanCuisine (like 220 calories)
a high-fiber tortilla w/ salsa
2 cupcakes/brownies/muffins (362)
water
some York Pieces (most likely in the serving range [50 pieces] so it'd be 170)

I guess my fruit/veggie/liquid fast didn't go great but I did workout and clean my room... thus burning calories.

Yay me.

Kinda hungry. V8 will do.

Love, skinnies, and everything else,
Abbey

ps. Reading comments about someone saying M likes some... *cough* slutty bitch that no one likes... makes me want to cry/scream/crawl in a hole and die.
pps. I don't think my period really came... I got tricked. This happened a few months ago too.

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

If you keep eating like this, you'll end up on the Biggest Loser
-Ana

I'm fruit/veggie/liquid fasting tomorrow.

9:11pm

Today was pretty good. I think I stayed around my limit.
I didn't do my workout but I had volleyball practice.
Talked with one of my friends for a while... it was fun.
Had a speaker come in and I noticed one of the guys looking at me a few times. Confidence boost, I guess... but all the girls hate him so it's like taboo. But we a had class together last year and we sat next to each other... he'd try to cheat off me, I'd yell at him, he'd tell me stuff, he "invited" me over once... quotes because it wasn't really legit. He's kinda like the guy I was talking about but he has straight hair.
And M (the guy I'm in love with) talked to me... I sound like a stalker, huh? Just a little conversation and he looked me in the eyes and they kinda "sparkled" and... I felt like a complete idiot.
Ugh.
I need a better perfume. Mine effing sucks.

Love and skinnies,
Abbey

Cue Happy Face

Mother bought pizza. For my chubby little brother... that sounds mean... my "heavy set" little brother. I couldn't resist. 2 bread sticks, 2 slices. gonna guess 600 in all... I was good today, though.
Been eating just carrots and apples for lunch the past few days. Had a bag of pistasios with them today but... its okay.
I worked out today!! For a full 50 minutes. Before I started, I was exhausted (probably the little "friend") but I did it anyway. 15 minutes in, I was soo tired. Laid down for like 5 minutes and got back up and continued.
Yay me!

And the boy I am absolutely crazy for... still not sure if he likes me, but we had a little "conversation". Just silent... he raised his eyebrows in that "Seriously?" kinda way and me nodding in a "oh, yeah, it's stupid" way. Some kids were talking about an old movie/musical we had to watch in a class (he wasn't in it). He's been bumping into me a few times and he smells so godamn good! I know it's cliche, but I'm going to marry him. Just... later in life.

Eeeep.

haha
Love and hugs,
Abbey


































































Feeling thinspo love today :)

Venting

No ice cream today? Yup! I stuck with yogurt and crackers with cheese (35)... sounds like a lot :( but... I think I know why? (middle of this "section")
Exercise last night? Nope. I studied for 4 hours, though. It was too late to do my work out without my mom interrupting me since it involves a lot of jumping around. Very noisy.
I think Mother Nature is paying me a visit soon... haven't seen her since... August. That explains the bloating, crappy eating, sleepless nights, fatique, and weight gain!

And, apparently, some people think I'm gay. Sorry if you're gay and take this offensively... I didn't mean to. But it's kind of big deal to me because I go to a Catholic school and... let's just say that kids in my grade make mean jokes about people being gay. I, though I am straight and it's not part of my religion to believe in that, believe that everyone deserves love and if a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman its not their fault. They're not an animal or a germ or a disease. They are a person. 

Just to give you an idea, people have said these things to me:

"Your hair's straight... we're not so sure about you"

"You liked that!" (when one of my friends fell on me and I was laughing [and I'd like to point out that everyone around us was laughing as well])

That's not everything but I don't want to get boring going into stupid detail... unless I already did. 

Lots of mean jokes... with straight faces... it bothers me. Mostly because I have had a humongous "crush" on this one guy for 4 years. I guess people got the signal that I liked him 2 years ago but now he never talks to me and... I have to look at him from afar. 

No one thinks I "like" him anymore I guess. I told one person... she asked if I did, I smiled... couldn't hide it. 

She stayed quiet when someone made a gay joke to me. I guess I'd rather her do that than say "Hey, she's straight! She likes _____!".

And I can't help asking myself if this girl I knew who was a total be-yatch had something to do with it. Especially because the people who make fun of me were her friends and... now they're my friends. 

Yeah, you're probably thinking "If they make fun of you, they're not your friends". You have to admit, friends make fun of each other. Mine don't do it on a regular basis but, next time, I'll say something.
Maybe "Why would you think that?"
And I make up responses... I don't feel like boring you, though.

Very confusing to me. 

The last time someone said something about me being gay was exactly two weeks ago... I wrote it in a journal on a different site. 

Love and thanks for listening to my problems, 

Abbey

Happy Valentine's Day... really??

Ate more ice cream today... why? And my mom gave me a box of chocolates... which I ate... 220 empty calories. I'm betting 500.  I don't care if it's over... I'll be safe. Veggies for dinner and I should be in a good place... I'm working out too.
I guess that's Valentine's Day though? You eat chocolate... and that's supposed to show love? Bull. Shit.

Whatevs.
Love and skinnies and strength to not eat like me,
Abbey