10:17pm

Hey girlies :)

Been gone for... 6 days. Almost a week. I haven't been feeling up to posting.

I got sick on Thursday. Didn't go to school that day or Friday. It sucked. I guess there was a party on Friday 'cause people were talking about it? I don't know. And I don't quite care 'cause it was at someone-I-have-never-really-been-friends-with's house... I think.

I feel quite disgusting right now. I'm gonna go wash my face, clean my makeup brushes, brush my teeth, all that jazz.

Oh, and Food's been... okay. Not the best I can do. But the good has been out-ruling the bad... like 80% to 20%.

Stay lovely,
Abbey

Being Happy With Myself

Hello, girlies :)

How was your weekend? 

Sorry I was gone.

Friday night, I went to a party type thing. I saw M... every time I say I'm over him, I'm lying to myself. He looked super awkward because everyone was jumping up and down and dancing and fist-pumping. But a guy came up to me and said hi and gave me a high-five... I wish I got his name or something. Another guy kept dancing around me and my friends. He was kinda cute but not really my type.

Saturday was a very active day. I went to a 5k walk/run, which is a little over 3 miles :D I walked most of the time and ran maybe 4 times with my friends. After, I went to lunch with E and then me, E, A, and S all went to the mall. Lots of walking :D. A little later, we all went to a birthday party for D. There was drama and a bunch of us left some people and went walking around the neighborhood.

I'm gonna guess I walked 5 miles on Saturday.

I didn't eat a ton, either so... I looked pretty good that day :)

Intake (Saturday):

Breakfast: Kashi cereal w/ almond milk, mixed berries, apple

Lunch: hot dog :(, Turkey Club on a whole-wheat bagel, V8

Snack: chocolate yogurt w/ coconut

Dinner: 2 small slices of pizza (1 pepparoni and 1 plain cheese), ice cream cake, 1 small brownie, 1 small slice of bread, Diet Lime Cola

And lots of water.

That sounds like a lot but, a year-and-a-half ago and it would've been double (maybe even triple, if I hadn't decided to lose weight)that and/or with about 10,000 calories. Eep. Also, I probably wouldn't have gone to the party, the mall, the birthday party, any of that.

Today, I didn't eat much. I don't get hungry much anymore. I ate:

-Egg Beaters (about 105 calories total)

-apple(s)... can't remember if I had one for breakfast but I definitely had one for lunch

-almonds

-3 cups of coffee w/ stevia and creamer

-high fiber tortilla w/ 1 tbsp pb

-some pretzel crisps

-pb & banana smoothie thingy

-3 Weight Watchers Toffee bars

-half of a very disgusting cupcake

-& lots of water

-oh, and gum

Geez, that sounds like a shitton of crap... urg :(

I think I'm going to try the Special K Challenge w/ Mom... I leave for my Spring Break in a little over 2 weeks. 

So, I got the Versatile Blogger Award from Leto. Thank you :)

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.

Got the thank you down :)

1. Did you have a girl who was overweight and nerdy in your class? I did... it was me. 

2. I was always bullied when I was younger and, last year, I was cyber-bullied

3. My real name isn't Abbey. 

4. I can be a bitch but I'm a sophisticated bitch

5. I've never cried for someone (unless they died) or cried in a movie. 

6. I've always had some weird interest in cutting, eating disorders, drug use, alcoholism, etc.

7. My mom overprotects and has no idea what I know, what I've seen, or what I've done. 

Since everyone I follow or know of has gotten this award and has posted about this, I bestow (never thought I'd use that word!) this award to: 

BellaAna

and

Kitti-Ann

Love ya, 

Abbey

I imagine my thighs like this.

3:50pm

Hey girlies :)

Decided I'm over M. I don't know why... I just remember a guy from this summer that told my cousin that he liked me and he is kinda cute and he knows the guys at my school though he doesn't go there and he goes to the fish fries sooo... yup. Holy run-on sentence, batman! I could see me dating him and lip-kissing unlike when I liked M so... we'll call him B, okay? For now at least. Probably won't hear about him since he doesn't go to my school.

Food's been good. Ran out of V8... boo. I got my period, too. :( I haven't had a legit period since about August so... 7 months. Wow.

Not much else.

Oh, 6 followers now :). Thank you for following!

Love,
Abbey



ps. Made plans with E to go to the mall this weekend! I'm excited... I can kind of imagine us taking pictures of each other, me with some goofy hat and nerd glasses in Hot Topic. lol I kinda like that place. We invited J and D, but D can't go and J doesn't know yet. I still have to ask A and M (girl) if they want to go too.
pps. I am in love with the band "Tonight Alive". My favorite song is "To Die For"

10:19pm

Hey there.

Um... not much has gone on. Feeling alone a lot this week... maybe it's 'cause of all this school musical stuff. I don't know. One of my friends was a lead and she was so effing amazing. She's super pretty and thin... makes me jealous. Anyway, I have to do the same thing again tomorrow. There's a dance going on and a Fish Fry thing... just found out about the dance so I'm not going and no one's going to Fish Fry 'cause of the play. 

Been reading Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. It explains how your hormones work with your metabolism. I took notes for Mom since she wants to do this with me and I told her I'd read the book so she wouldn't have to. I probably sound mean, but I don't think she can do it... its legit organic food you have to eat. The book also explains how your body doesn't know how to process the calories in processed food, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, etc, and turns them into fat. I'm might post the notes in a little tab thing at the top when I finish it... hoping that happens tomorrow. If you want to get full details, I recommend reading the book.

My dad said he was gonna get our treadmill out of the basement and into someplace so I won't have to run by myself and get kidnapped.  hehe

I'll read blogs tomorrow. 

Hope you all have a good weekend :)

xoxo, 

Abbey

ps. I saw the girl that ruined my reputation tonight. Bitch. Didn't talk to her. I don't like her and I don't understand why everyone else does. She does drugs and drinks at parties, thought she was pregnant (you can't get preggers from butt sex, bitch), and God knows what else.  I wanna tell her off. 

pps. Still in love with M. He sends me mixed signals. I hate it. 

I wish someone told me the truth so I could finally stop wondering and get on with my life.

How Long Will This Take?

I hate clothes.
I tried my new clothes on. The shirts were fine on the tummy, acceptable to wear in public with a little stretching. They made my boobs look huge, as do everything else that is not a fucking hoodie. The pull-over thingie looked wrong on me because of my big boobs. And the short were too tight on my thighs... I hate this.
Someone, take them. I hate them. I'm short and they look all wrong.

I love clothes.
I love online shopping. I'm afraid someone will judge me if I go into a store. I won't go with my friends because I don't want to have to ask "Does this make me look fat?". I have to go with my mom or grandma and it doesn't work because my mom will end up fighting and it gets awkward something with grandma. Also, I can look for hours, past closing time, and not have to try a thing on.

Your view on clothes?

I just want to look/feel good in them. I can't wait for that day when I can wear skinny jeans and have a pretty gap between my thighs. When I can wear horizontal stripes and not look like I'm 11 feet wide. When I can wear a shirt that is too big and still look thin. When I can wear shorts and not be ashamed. When I can wear a bikini... oh, the list goes on.

How long will I have to wait? How long will this take?

I want to be the poster-child for petite girls. Thin. Small thighs. Small boobs. Everything small, I guess.

xoxo,
Abbey

9:57pm

Oh God. I'm sorry for the depressing (2) posts. No more... for awhile. Kapeesh?

E said "We should go to the mall sometime!" and it kinda caught me off guard. Oh well....
Went shopping with Mom today... bought 4 pairs of shorts, I think 3 shirts, a pull-over type thing. I was going to buy some shoes, too, but everyone has them and I don't like being like everyone... so I didn't. I would have bought a few hoodies because that's the only thing I'm comfortable wearing.
I hate my arms,
my legs,
my face (the shape),
and especially my stomach.
Mom said I was skinny but I don't see it. I'm short so my weight is too high and all I see is fat on my thighs and stomach... I don't see how that can be.
Silly Mommy.

Nothing else, really.
Have a good week.
My goals for this week: cardio everyday, finish my book by Tuesday, finish the other book by Friday, ... yup.

xoxo,
Abbey

ps. I am in love with LIGHTS. Give her a listen. She's thinspo, as well :)
pps. Do you like the new backround thingy? I think its more "happy" compared to the other one :)